Top 8 Best Strategies To Unlock Your True Self

Eight Qualities to Unlock Your True Self Access to self-energy can be hampered by various internal family systems.

Even though one's parts may act out, their purpose is to serve as self-support tools.

Once they accept their parts and tap into the self, many people feel calm, centered, and connected to who they are.

We need to provide a brief overview to enhance your understanding of the self in internal family systems, or IFS, before we get into what are referred to as the eight Cs of self-leadership.

The majority of my patients initially doubt that they even have self-energy when I do this kind of work on them. They don't know what it's like to be in charge on their own because they've been mixed in with their various parts—exiles, managers, and firefighters—for so long.

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Everyone has self-energy. Even though we may have been burdened in a variety of ways by life and our parts may have displayed extreme behavior, they are actually intended to serve as a resource for the self. All parts can settle down once we unburden the part of ourselves we refer to as the "exile" and our parts stop feeling the need to act in extreme ways.

It is essential to know that everyone is welcome, and that none of us are bad or wrong in this. We are not shedding any of our characteristics. It's analogous to the expression "wherever you go, there you are." Everywhere you go, you carry yourself and your belongings. She is not bad if there is a part of you that is still young and bears the weight of the shame your parents caused you as children. 

She genuinely wants to assist you. She also has self-energy. As you continue reading, you might also find that she carries a lot of your curiosity, which is a quality of the self we will discuss. 

This has nothing to do with our internal world being rejected; It's all about accepting it.

It is essential to keep in mind that many people experience a sense of calm, centeredness, and connection to who they really are underneath it all once they tap into the self when you are trying to learn how the self feels for you. Our various parts typically serve a purpose in a way that the self does not. Let's say you've been dating a man for a few months and he decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore. 

You might have parts zeroed in on getting him back: You're keeping an eye on his Instagram to see if he's dating anyone else, and you're casually friends with his cousin on Facebook to find out what he's up to. Those are indications of your involvement. 

Regardless of whether this is actually beneficial to you, their goal is to reclaim him. In contrast, the self is capable of seeing the whole picture in a way that parts cannot.

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Let's now discuss the characteristics of self-leadership. I want it to be clear that there might be other ways to describe oneself, but the ones I've listed below should get you started. Note that any one nature of self-initiative can prompt the others — they don't exist in a vacuum.

Top 8 Best Strategies To Unlock Your True Self 

• Curiosity
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Calmness
• Creativity
• Courage
• Clarity
• Connectedness

1. Curiousness

Curiousness is the first quality of self-leadership that we will discuss. Do you recall the agenda that I mentioned earlier? 

You don't have an agenda to change another person's behavior when you're truly curious. Instead, your genuine desire is to comprehend it. 

You are open to the outside world and curious about other people's actions rather than being angry with them.

After the advertisement, the article continues. I don't agree with some politicians, but that doesn't mean I'm always angry because I have flaws like everyone else; mostly, I'm curious. 

I consider the factors that have shaped their experiences on the planet, including their race, gender, socioeconomic status, religion, as well as the time period and location of their formative years. With all of that in mind, I can finally understand what they do.

2. Compassion 

We will now talk about compassion as the next quality. 

To show compassion, we must look beyond the reactive, irate parts of each other to see what's underneath. Most of the time, the reactive parts are reacting to that person's real pain or fear. 

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Having a genuine desire to assist others and showing concern for their plight are additional characteristics of compassion.

3. Confidence 

Self-assurance is the third C. Effective and healing relationships with parts and people are necessary for this. 

It also means having faith that you are intrinsically worthy and good, even if you make mistakes. Even though other parts of your system may have their doubts, the self trusts in its own capabilities and competence within your system.

I recently experienced this for myself as the article continues after the advertisement. 

A well-known drag queen hosted an event where I was the guest speaker along with a number of amazing musicians. My introverted side was among the many parts of me that were anxious. 

My job was to answer audience questions about mental health, which also brought on some of my imposter syndrome. 

I did a mindfulness exercise and allowed myself to feel my own energy as I was full of these emotions in preparation, and I simply knew that everything would be fine. I was myself when I went on stage, and that was sufficient. 

I answered every question and occasionally made everyone laugh. Even making fun of my parts, I said, "I'm an introvert and I hate people, but I'll teach you how to love yourself."

4. Calmness 

Calmness is the next quality of the self. I often tell people that peace is the best thing in the world. The perfect bite from a waffle cone, the sound of the trees when you're in the middle of a forest, or inner peace are all examples of inner peace. There is a sense of inner calm when you are ensnared in this C. Being grounded and centered in the face of stressful events is another aspect of calmness. Going back to my previous example, I felt myself settle into my calm after the first few seconds on stage and thought, "I'm here now." My anxious parts thought that being on stage for 12 minutes was too long, but when I embodied my self-energy, it seemed to fly by.

5. Creativity 

When I allowed myself to emerge on stage that night, I realized that I am naturally funny, charismatic, and able to think quickly. 

This brings me to the subsequent C, creativity. I had to get my protective parts to relax and let go of these worries about being unworthy or of being discovered or shown to be not good enough. This permitted me to be allowed to understand my full imaginative potential and embrace the oddity of the circumstance.

I was able to interact with the host and give the attendees important information about mental health. When you read this, you might think to yourself, "Dr. J, you give information on your podcast every week, so you must be entertaining at times." That's the problem with parts: in their haste, they sometimes miss the real truth and end up in an imagined hellscape we created.

6.  Courage

Courage  is the next C, and this is why you need courage. When you embrace this quality of self-leadership, you approach scary situations or parts of yourself that hold onto fear and respond more intentionally to them. 

You can also maintain equilibrium when interacting with them and the world. In addition to standing up for injustices that may have occurred, you can offer an apology for any negative effects caused by your actions. I can apologise for yelling at someone who makes a comment that hurts my feelings while maintaining that their comment was hurtful.

7. Clarity

The following quality is clarity. We want to keep our clear, unimpeded view of things and situations. We are not projecting any of our anxieties or baggage onto this reality in this manner. Everything is being seen as it really is.

8. connectedness

 Last but certainly not least is connectedness. Recognizing that we are all connected and that separation is an illusion is at the heart of this. We connect to all aspects of ourselves and to other people when we embrace connectedness. If we have been disconnected, we also want to reconnect in a healthy way.

Everyone can cultivate the eight Cs of self-leadership, and as they become stronger, so will your sense of self.