Top 9 Highly Effective Strategies For Handling Condescending People
No one enjoys being treated with condescension. It is a terrible feeling when someone tries to make us feel small or inferior, and it almost always is unjustified.
Anyone can feel enraged and want to respond by being the target of demeaning remarks, sarcasm, or the suggestion that they are not competent.
Having said that, once you have an understanding of the source of this condescension, you will be able to discern the behavior behind it and eliminate its influence on you.
Why do people act rudely?
The best way to deal with someone who treats you with condescension is to ask yourself why they are acting that way. In order to address the symptom (or behavior in this instance), it is essential to comprehend the cause.
1. Insecurity.
Most of the time, condescending people are very uneasy. This is frequently the result of an abusive upbringing in which they were mistreated and made to feel inadequate or insignificant. As a result, they have terrible self-esteem and try as hard as they can to feel important and valid.
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They might do this by criticizing anyone they think poses a threat. Some of them could foster egotistical propensities to overcompensate for their internal identity abhorring, and they'll put down and affront the people who epitomize characteristics they scorn in themselves.
It's a self-defense tactic designed to distract from their flaws and make them feel better at the same time by shifting attention (and negativity) to someone else.
In order to be recognized by their peers, some may become extreme overachievers. They believe that if they win that medal, get those degrees, or reach that professional level, they will finally get the respect that their friends and family didn't give them. After that, they'll turn around and disparage others who haven't achieved the same goals as they have.
As you can probably imagine, this starts a never-ending cycle of abuse. Those they put down frequently wind up having low confidence, and they might be terrible to others thus to cheer themselves up.
This kind of thing is especially bad for families because kids end up feeling like their parents don't care and don't see them. Then they feel the need to control and belittle their own children.
2. A lost feeling of prevalence.
Certain individuals trust themselves to be preferable over everybody around them in light of multiple factors. It might be related to ancestry and heredity for some. As a result of their higher cost, some people may believe that their education or possessions are better. They might think that their life experiences provide them with knowledge and skills that their peers lack.
They rarely give much thought to the possibility that just because their peers don't talk about their experiences, that doesn't mean they shouldn't. That also applies to one's age, education, and bloodline.
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For instance, my partner's coworkers frequently treated her with contempt because they were underestimating her age. After that, when they found out that she was older than they were, they were embarrassed.
3. Some of the time it's inadvertent.
Different people will react differently to the same circumstance. This is due to the fact that each of us has unique formative conditioning. Therefore, something that is pleasant or comfortable for one person may be interpreted as insulting or harmful for another.
A person's passion for a subject without realizing that others may be as knowledgeable as they are may not always be the source of what you perceive as condescension.
For instance, a person who is obsessive about mushrooms (mycology) might go off on tangents about cool species they have been studying without bothering to inquire whether or not anyone is already familiar with them.
They are not attempting to be insufferable know-it-alls in such circumstances. Instead, they are so engrossed in the awesomeness they are attempting to convey that they are unaware that they have entered lecture mode.
For a situation like this, whenever they've completed the process of babbling on, let them in on that, while you're keen on examining this with them, you'd like on the off chance that they were more conscious. Before going into detail about the subject, ask them if you are familiar with it.
Condescension can also happen unintentionally when someone is going through personal difficulties. They may unintentionally inflict their frustrations on others if they are under a lot of stress at home but are unable to share their pain or frustration with those around them.
For instance, a parent who's managing a troublesome high schooler could unintentionally release their antagonism a comparative on a colleague conduct to their kid.
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On the other hand, if a person is upset with their partner's lack of consideration, they might have to keep their mouth shut to keep the peace or avoid being abused. They will use their children, siblings, parents, or peers as emotional punching bags as a means of relieving pressure.
Similar to other instances of condescending speech and conduct, it most likely stems from their own problems; You are not the cause of it.
9 Methods For Managing Deigning Individuals
There are a few unique ways that you can manage deigning individuals, contingent upon the situation as well as individuals included.
1. Keep in mind that you can choose how you respond to other people.
Though taking offense is a choice, many people respond to unpleasant experiences by being offended. You can decide to be offended and upset by that arrogant prat, or you can realize that their thoughts and words have no bearing on your life.
2. Humor your response.
We mentioned earlier that the majority of condescending individuals either have an exaggerated sense of their own superiority or are so deeply insecure that they overcompensate with condescension and arrogance. Both of these situations are true.
Rather than being angry with them, it's better to be amused by their actions rather than angry with them. It's like throwing a spear into their bubble of piety. Being laughed at while someone is attempting to lord it over you is even more distressing because nobody likes to be taken seriously.
3. Criticize them for their actions.
Responding to you with a demeaning pet name or moniker is a characteristic that many patronizing individuals share.
When a person doesn't have a strong argument or evidence to support what they say, this behavior typically occurs. They must attempt to make you feel small or inferior in order to establish power over you because they are not standing on solid ground.
As a result, they might refer to you as pet, sweetie, or something similar; usually in a voice they'd only use with a small child or a pet dog.
It is essential to call them out and maintain your stance in a situation like this. For instance, if someone calls you a pet name in response to an email or text message, you can respond with the following:
James is my name. Neither honey nor sweetie I do not consent to you addressing me by a pet name, nor did I invite you to do so. You can call me James or Mr. White, but those are the only options you have. I address you by name to show you my professional respect; kindly extend the same courtesy to me.
Feel free to include your boss or the HR department in your response if this person is a coworker. They will take note of this person's behavior toward you and store it as a precedent they are establishing.
If they are a member of your family, they will probably tell other relatives that you were too sensitive to them or inappropriate for them. Whether or not you respond at all is entirely up to you. That will depend on how well you get along with your family and whether or not the person being criticized likes or dislikes you.
Keep in mind that the person you put in their place will probably react defensively. When things don't go as planned, people who start out aggressive or at least charming usually turn around and play the victim. It's known as the kick, kiss, or cry strategy.
They will probably suggest that you are not acting like a team player and that they are just trying to be friendly. Reiterate the titles you will accept at work and stand your ground at this point. The discussion is over.
4. Inquire of them to elaborate on what they have said or done.
Telling others to relax or calm down is another tactic used by many condescending people, especially when those people disagree with what they are saying.
Despite being perfectly composed and calm and expressing perfectly valid points of view, the condescending speaker wants to maintain power. As a result, they will suggest that others are hysterical or emotionally unbalanced in some other way.
The purpose of this implication is to disprove what the other people have to say. Keep your cool when and if this happens. Hold their gaze for a few seconds without speaking, then calmly ask them to explain why they felt the need to calm you down.
Keep asking them questions. You can ask them to describe what you said or did that gave them the impression that you were acting emotionally. They might say that you seemed to be acting emotionally. Keep your cool at all times because they will probably get angry and start attacking.
Exactly the same thing goes for on the off chance that they accomplish something physical toward you, for example, congratulating you and saying, nailed it! In a situation like that, react calmly. immediately. Find out why they did that.
By claiming that they were just trying to be friendly, they might try to explain away their actions. At that point, you can make it clear to them that you did not give them permission to touch you, in no uncertain terms.
You are free to grab their hand or wrist, look them in the eye, and say NO if they do it again. I won't be touched.
Don't accept that they will attempt to denigrate you and portray you as irrational and erratic.
5. Give them the chance to gain insight from their own actions.
As previously stated, many condescending individuals overestimate their own superiority. This applies not only to their education and lineage but also to their skillset. A backseat driver—someone who constantly questions the driver's abilities, mocks perceived missteps, and so on—is a perfect illustration of this.
Give them the wheel to show how much better they are at it in situations like this one. The majority of them will panic at this point because they are well aware that they are terrible critics. In fact, because they are so incredibly insecure about their own lack of ability, they probably have been making fun of perceived micro-errors.
They'll come up with justifications as to why they can't drive right now or handle the cooking, baking, or spreadsheet formatting. Don't take the excuses as true. Demand that they demonstrate exactly how things should be done because they have been so forthright about everything you have been doing incorrectly.
Then, whenever they've driven the vehicle into a tree or made a little calamity, you can snap a picture of their clearly unrivaled ability. You'll be able to show them that picture and ask if they really want to go down that path again the next time they start acting rudely toward you or anyone else.
You can rest assured that they will quickly become clammy.
6. Avoid retaliation, but maintain your composure.
The self-esteem of many condescending individuals is far higher than it should be. For instance, a person who only speaks English may lord it over someone who speaks a few (bad) words in another language.
However, if someone else speaks that language more fluently than they do, they will either attempt to divert attention elsewhere or reverse the situation and disparage what they were just feeling superior about.
Take, for instance, a meeting that Dan has been dominating. He has been an utterly arrogant prick throughout, attempting to justify a variety of actions, and he concludes his presentation with a common Latin proverb like Quod erat demonstrandum. This concludes the evidence.
If you respond by asking him in Latin whether he speaks that language, he will turn around and laugh at you, telling you that it is a dead language for a reason and has no use unless you are a nerd with brown eyes.
He will do that to hide the fact that you are more knowledgeable than he is. He promptly feels sub-par, and in this way needs to place you down to puff himself back up once more. despite the fact that he set the example by using that language to make himself appear smarter.
You can now ask him why he used a quote in a language he didn't actually know, especially one that only the aforementioned nerds could understand. He won't likely be able to respond, and he'll get even angrier when the other people in the room start to laugh or smile at him.
People who are condescending are at their most vulnerable when they are treated with pity or slander.
7. Act as though they never said or did anything.
Condescending people despise not only being mocked but also being ignored.
If someone is treating you with condescension, act as if they haven't said anything at all. In point of fact, you can either pretend to be unable to hear them or change the subject when you interrupt them.
It is not even worth mentioning what it is that they are ranting about. Maintain your composure and civility, but be very clear that you are not interested in what they have to say.
They may turn from condescension to outright abuse as a result of this enragement. They might become irate and demand to know the reason you dared to interrupt them. You can say, politely and neutrally, that you redirected the conversation to something that actually had value because you didn't hear anything valuable from them.
You are sending a clear message that their superior attitude means nothing to you by switching gears at the same time and showing little emotion.
8. Keep your cool no matter what.
When dealing with rude people, losing your composure is one of the worst things you can do. They will feel that their behavior toward you has been validated if you get angry and start yelling or retaliate in a similar way.
The most crucial thing in this situation is for you to act with far more grace, dignity, and integrity than they can.
Because they will feel superior if you react negatively, these people want you to react and become upset. If their first attempt doesn't shake you off your feet, they'll probably try insults to change their strategy. This only serves to emphasize how pathetic they are.
Would they act in that manner if they were truly superior?
9. Confirm your authority.
Keep in mind that people who treat you with condescension typically have deep-seated insecurities and extreme unhappiness. In a last-ditch effort to alleviate their inner misery, they are yelling at others.
We mentioned earlier that these individuals frequently attempt to disparage those in whom they feel insecure. It is essential to note that they will only attempt to do so if they believe the other person is not a real threat.
An administrative assistant, for instance, will not be condescending toward their supervisor, but they will denigrate the intern or receptionist. Basically, anyone who doesn't really pose a threat to them because they're younger, smaller, or lower on the totem pole.
Maintaining an air of strength, power, and confidence will deter the majority of cowards from challenging you.
Keep a straight stance and move with beauty and reason. Keep eye contact while speaking clearly and eloquently. When you speak, you should pause frequently, including when you are asked a question to consider your response.
You will be treated as a king or queen if you conduct yourself accordingly. In essence, you are dealing with a bully from the schoolyard who is also taller and older.
Anyone who is being condescending toward you can benefit from this strategy. Abusive parents or siblings typically target the mastiff, not the chihuahua, of their litter. Also, that mastiff doesn't have to bark and scream to show that he or she is strong and in charge.
He or she will simply stand idly by, enveloping themselves in an aura of power and confidence, allowing others to escape with their pride (and hide) intact.
Ultimately, when dealing with condescending individuals, view them as wounded, irate children who are using the only strategy at their disposal to make themselves appear less pathetic because they feel so powerless and weak. They attempt to bring down others because they are unable to properly raise themselves.
When you understand why they act the way they do, their actions won't affect you anymore. Condescending adults won't affect you in the same way that a small child who tells you you're a stupid head won't hurt or offend you.
You are protected from any negative comments they may make because you understand where they are coming from and feel sorry for them. In addition, even though they probably won't pay attention, you could always direct them to our article on how to stop being condescending; perhaps one in 100 people will actually realize what they are doing and want to take action.
Although you cannot control how other people treat you, you absolutely can control how you respond to them. Safeguard your poise and elegance, offer them a wall that streams no departure, and they'll quit being stooping toward you rapidly.
